Catching Lightning In A Jar

Mar 12

The Highest Heights

It feels as if I have a foot in two different worlds at every moment of the day. One moment, I’m handling my affairs, riding the bus listening to music, devouring a book, something like that. I’m Stephen and I’m living my life, writing my story. And then there’s this other place. I can “step back” and enter this detached vantage point, like I’m watching myself as I think and do. And I remember that this is the game of life.

I was once a part of the Universe’s umbilical, I was one with all things, endless and infinite, but by becoming “Stephen”, I became conscious. I have preferences, prejudices, and experiences that are unique, and I perceive through dualities. But my soul is the wound from when I parted with the Universe. It is still connected with All That Is, and I can tap into this endless reservoir inside me.

So when I go about my day, whether I’m at work, with a friend, being a social animal, or simply reflecting alone at home, I always have these two perspectives. This is who Stephen is, what he likes, what he wants, what makes him open, what makes him close- the mechanics of Stephen and his world. But then there’s this other eye, another perspective, where I know that everything is everything, life is purposeless, and things that appear different are really the same, that contradictory things can both be true, and yer just on this “ride”.

Magic is thoughts that can think for themselves, and I’ve been having a lot of fun scrambling brains. There are some people I’m connected to through dreams, others through words. There are some people where I can hear their thoughts in my head, and with some I can feel their energy pass through my inner sanctum and through my eyes. I recently discovered that I’m a Scorpio Rising, and I’m drawing more from my own intense “magnetism”. I walk into the right places at the right times, say the right things at the right moments, get “hunches”, and intercept thoughts and act accordingly without even knowing it. I’m constantly repeating in my head “don’t control it” and “I already have the tools, and I will do the right thing by instinct”. Visualization and will have become powerful tools.

I say these things to my loved ones as well. “Don’t control it”. “You already have the tools”. Lately, my advice has only been trust your instincts. Heed to yer intuition. I know that there are more forces at work than the mind and its incessant reasonableness. And I know if you tell people that you love them, that they are beautiful… they stop doing stupid shit. Well, for the most part. I’ve also accepted that there are people/things that I won’t like, and no dosage of enlightenment or reasonableness can evade it. Love can die. Mechanics. The mechanics of Stephen and his world. A world within an ocean of worlds, bruising and blending with one other.

But even through all this fun, I’m aware that this is just a ride. That this is the game my Higher Self and I are playing, and it feels like lucid dreaming, knowing that most of this is an illusion. Will this dual outlook take me to the highest of heights, or drive me absolutely mad, nagging my every action and thought? If this were last year, I may have dangerously thought the latter; but I haven’t given up on myself, the people who love me haven’t, and its clear that Life (the ride) hasn’t either. I feel the procession of life, like the steady beat of a drum, the wavelength, the eternal poetry, infinite creation and destruction. I want to know it all, but I also want to dance. I want to come out of the trance.

“Contrariwise,” continued Tweedledum, “if it was so, it might be; and, if it were so, it would be; but as it isn’t, it ain’t. That’s logic.”

I am four people living in the same body, and they are in-breeding.

Feb 16

You are Changing the World

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Feb 13

Aesop’s Fables: The North Wind and the Sun

 The North Wind and the Sun disputed as to which was the most powerful, and agreed that he should be declared the victor who could first strip a wayfaring man of his clothes. The North Wind first tried his power and blew with all his might, but the keener his blasts, the closer the Traveler wrapped his cloak around him, until at last, resigning all hope of victory, the Wind called upon the Sun to see what he could do. The Sun suddenly shone out with all his warmth. The Traveler no sooner felt his genial rays than he took off one garment after another, and at last, fairly overcome with heat, undressed and bathed in a stream that lay on his path.

Persuasion is better than Force.

Nov 17

Solitude is Bliss

Ever since moving to the country, solitude has taught me so many wonderful things. When I was constantly bombarded by the strong feelings of others, being an empath, it was hard to seperate other energies from my own. I found myself taking on the feelings of others as mine, and straining my mind to untangle them- with distractions. It was so easy to say what I really didn’t mean, do things that weren’t myself. But since moving up here and working two caregiving jobs, I have found true peace with all the things that make me myself, thanks to solitude. Thanks to being able to simply take a walk alone for a few hours, to take a drive down some scenic route, or sit on my chateau and watch the stars over the vineyards. I could feel the people passing through my inner sanctum, and I let them pass, because I am me.

Lately, I sense so much anger. People have become very lonely. It hurts me to see so many people fighting with each other over what is the right way to live. That age-old battle of good versus evil. They believe they have the best intentions, but its a cry of loneliness. Of indecision. You want to be surrounded by “you”, so you can feel safe; and that’s very human. But can’t we just give thanks for all the infinite possiblities out there? Can’t we just do and share our stories together, without applying right and wrong? Because trying to find the right way to live has only made me dizzy. All I want is to share my story, and to hear yours, and be thankful.

MOON IN LIBRA, MOON IN THE SEVENTH HOUSE

Most of all they need a mate. A best friend, business partner, or buddy will do. They spoil you with attention and are frighteningly dependant upon having someone to love. The men devastate women because they understand their own refined “feminine” feelings. In fact, they seem to relate better to women than men. The women always have their pick of men; they seem to be able to present themselves in a fluffy, fascinated package. They are smart; they are soft, and they listen, listen, listen. This reminds me of Tom Wolfe’s definition of what young ladies learn to do in finishing school: “Are you rilly an architect? Are you rilly a Senator?”

Oh, this gang picks up every subtle nuance of what you’re talking about. Their radar is made of feathers. It’s important to them to have a placid appearance, yet inside, a lot of the time, they feel hysterical. They feel as if their hearts are on springs. They not only react to you - they react to how you react.

These sweet people have only one vice: they make Minnie the Moocher look like a philanthropist. No other Moon sign matches this one’s excellence at wheedling goodies out of you and making you think it was all your idea. You feel like a king when you pick up the check. And the next one. And the next one. They are successful where Moon in Capricorn fails - using people cleverly. They owe you a couple grand? You’d feel like a monster for bringing the subject up. Deep down they’re secretly convinced that you should feel honored to have their company. Deeper down they’re depressed and frightened at how much they need you; dependency is the desperate racket they run to keep you under their thumbs. It’s called the Tyranny of the Weak, and if you’re close to a Libra Moon person, you have no doubt heard of it.

Selling something? Dress well, lots of jewelry, too. Mention the big shots you know, hint at parties, but in an off-the-cuff, low-key manner. These guys love celebrities. In other cases you can stress the benefits of what you’re selling to the rest of their families or associates. Libra Moons need to make other people happy. If you or your product is beautiful, it doesn’t hurt, either.

Don’t underrate this Moon sign when it comes to romance. They give you the best gift of all - themselves, wholeheartedly. They get stepped on for their kindnesses, so be kind and watch them blossom. They need compliments and flattery daily, but they give in return as well. They need compliments and flattery daily, but they give in return as well. They get to know you and tailor their praise to what they think you want to hear. They’re right. Keep a Virgo, Capricorn, or a Scorpio around as a secondary sounding board or these Moons will softly lull you with a stream of adoring yesses. Sounds awful, doesn’t it?

The line forms right here.

Nov 01

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Oct 25

(Source: wearejdavey, via themjdexperience)

Aug 24

Thought #999 : Free Will and the In-Between Zone

Sitting in a little shoebox of heaven in St. Helena, with my 90lb chocolate labador companion, watching the vineyards and listening to the wind . Quitting my job and moving to the wine country has been my best decision yet . After my head almost spun off my shoulders from money woes, poor living conditions, and career clutter - my guru and dear friend, Sierra, felt my need through the ether and invited me to drop all my suffering and stay in her shoebox cottage in St. Helena . I’m taking care of children, falling in love with a chocolate lab named “Tank”, sharpening my supernatural abilities, and learning the terms of God-love and Free Will .

For a long time, my abilities made me feel more lonely than special . I didn’t notice that I felt that way, until I began to struggle with the Tribe . I had a deep need for them to understand, to force their third eyes open, and to paint my beliefs into their minds; not because it was necessary, but because I needed for others to approve of what I was feeling inside . I needed it desperately and I thought that would give me peace . But by imposing on all their choices, I was robbing them of their free will . And without free will, you can learn nothing of value . You throw mud on something pure when you rob people of their free will .

So Sierra is teaching me to switch roles . I am retiring as a “fixer” and becoming more of a wise witness . I am learning to watch with a twinkle in my eye, and not interfere or struggle with others . And since giving up my need to control and moving to St. Helena, I have been on many adventures . I’ve been playing in the “in-between” zone: the trance between asleep and awake . In these fleeting moments just before awakening, I can see more ghosts, experience more flashes of telepathy, and recieve unfiltered messages from my higher self . One night, after dreaming of the most romantic underwater kiss, I woke up in the in-between zone and saw Sierra astral-projecting - her spirit body sitting upright just above her body .

And just the other night, I woke up while I was still asleep . I’ve never felt trapped in my own body before, but I went to sleep, saw some pretty exciting dreams, popped back into my body - but couldn’t move or open my eyes . For moments, I was just twitching in bed, panicking, trying to open my eyes and look at the door . It did wear off overtime, but when it did, I felt especially drained .

Otherwise, I have been singing with rapture and dancing like a dervish . Laughing has been taking up all my time . Something about laughing until I cramp gives me so much peace . My novel is coming along very nicely, and I am so thankful for sweeping changes and friends that offer unconditional love . I thought that the country held my destiny, but it was only fourty miles away all along . (I truly believe that the fourth mile from St. Helena is the longest mile in the world . There must be a Time Pocket there somewhere .) I am yet again “going” without traveling, and it feels sooo good . Keep yer electric eyes on me, friends .

Lovers never lose .

“What you seek is seeking you .” — Rumi

Aug 06

Thresholds: The End of Inertia

Thresholds are defined as “any place or point of entering or beginning” . Some people see thresholds as the sill of a doorway . More magic-minded folk see thresholds as parts of nature: like where land meets ocean at the beach, or where level ground becomes a mountain . And those focused on consciousness see thresholds as a place in the mind . Dear friends, I am standing in a threshold at the moment . I have reached a stage in my “development” where life’s wonders and mysteries are leaving my soul weary of my day-to-day situation . I have a steady job taking care of people with handicaps and disabilities, as well as working for IHSS to care for my grandmother; but experiences of the supernatural kind, the occult kind, and other modes of expanded consciousness are being laid down before me like a trail of bread crumbs, and I had been spending a lot of time trying to decode where this road goes .

I had been struggling with inertia . I didn’t know where to put my energies in the city I live in - and I still don’t . To put my efforts towards any of the artistic or rehabilitative fields felt like straight-up exploitation . Going to school with my enlightened sense of being made me feel like a crook, being taught all the deceitful smiles and cunning wiles of capitalistic society - but I needed the money . And all I could think about was living on a farm, surrounded by my Tribe, growing small-scale raw foods, and reaping the rewards of soul-nourishing simplicity . And then, last night, I realized: all my efforts in this capitalist caffeine republic were to get me to that dream . To get me to that dream farm . To be able to wake up and go to sleep and say to myself, “No one is controlling me . I am free .” And my soul resonated .

The Wild has been calling me . And I think that’s where the next step in my journey to expand my consciousness has led me . I’m doing research on the Live Power farm and hippie communes in Humboldt Country near the ocean and redwoods . I just want to drop everything: all debts, desires, and illusions; and nourish my soul for a few years in the country . I truly feel like that is where I can attain my true potential, and return home with an answer for other souls who have become weary as I am . I want to offer my family and friends an outlet, just by existing . I want my existence to be a testimony that there is another way to live, and that they can drop their chains whenever they choose, and get reacquainted with themselves and Mother Earth . I’ve never been so sure about anything in my life . Keep me in yer thoughts .

Lovers never lose .

“The Aquarius Love Mystery” by Linda Goodman

Having reached the Aquarian initiation, the evolving soul feels that it must return to life much of what it gathered along the way . And so begins a “second childhood” on the level of the Water Bearer, who pours out his knowledge, both determined and anxious to share it before he leaves this planet to explore the exciting realm of the unknown on the other side .

Aquarius feels the stirrings of the masculine positive Day Forces for the last time as a Fixed Organizer, in the final experience of the detached and unpredictable Air Element . A puzzle to friends and family, the Aquarius man or woman cavorts with the young at heart - peculiar, since wisdom and experience are in direct contrast with such liberal, eccentric behavior . There were so many mysteries missed in the past (lives) because there wasn’t time to investigate them . Now Aquarius must taste them all - must investigate every nuance of up and down, left and right, will and won’t . They delight in shocking those around them, suddenly aware of an inexplicable ability to peek into the future . Amazingly intuitive and bristling with unexpected flashes of telepathic images, the Aquarian soul examines people and ideas without sentiment, arriving at truth with no apparent logic or traceable effort .

On this level, the soul tends to flaunt law and authority because the spirit actually exists in the world of the future . Aquarius knows that the rigid rules of today’s society must sooner or later be compromised . Therefore he (or she) sees no sensible reason to respect what will surely evolve into something new and different tomorrow . If violent revolt is necessary to bring about tolerance, brotherhood and understanding, then Aquarius believes the results will be worth the conflict . However, although they advocate change for the world (and for their friends and family), the Water Bearers remain Fixed in their own personal opinions, private codes and life-styles, reflecting the contradictory nature of the ruling planet, Uranus .

The soul has now acquired a true humanitarian approach . To the unprejudiced Aquarian, every human being is a friend, whatever that person’s personal values may be, for the Water Bearer has learned that he (or she) is one with all mankind and womankind - and with Nature . Yet, personal relationships may be neglected, as these men and women pursue an idealism related to the benefit of society in general . Like the Aquarian Age it reflects, the soul at this stage envisions a golden and glorious future that may be attained only by blasting old customs and outdated ideas to clear the way for spiritual awareness, through the thunderbolt path of accelerated mass Karma . If more conservative people are offended by the Uranus behavior, the Aquarian laughs off their disapproval . Secure in an intuitive grasp of the future, Aquarians retort, “I KNOW” to all questions, then perversely refuse to explain how they know - except to children, who understand through their own innocence the innocent state of simplicity the soul returns to in the “second childhood” Uranus vibration .

To Aquarius, love is a detached and unselfish emotion, to be explored and enjoyed . The Water Bearer understands love’s scope and investigates all its dimensions, but scatters it carelessly, confusing it with friendship . Physical fulfillment leaves Aquarius emotionally empty and still wistful, failing to sense the mystery of Oneness with the mate - the final truth of love, which awaits discovery silently, in the shadows - the secret guarded by Neptune (ruler of Pisces), just beyond Uranus comprehension . …

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