Ever since moving to the country, solitude has taught me so many wonderful things. When I was constantly bombarded by the strong feelings of others, being an empath, it was hard to seperate other energies from my own. I found myself taking on the feelings of others as mine, and straining my mind to untangle them- with distractions. It was so easy to say what I really didn’t mean, do things that weren’t myself. But since moving up here and working two caregiving jobs, I have found true peace with all the things that make me myself, thanks to solitude. Thanks to being able to simply take a walk alone for a few hours, to take a drive down some scenic route, or sit on my chateau and watch the stars over the vineyards. I could feel the people passing through my inner sanctum, and I let them pass, because I am me.

Lately, I sense so much anger. People have become very lonely. It hurts me to see so many people fighting with each other over what is the right way to live. That age-old battle of good versus evil. They believe they have the best intentions, but its a cry of loneliness. Of indecision. You want to be surrounded by “you”, so you can feel safe; and that’s very human. But can’t we just give thanks for all the infinite possiblities out there? Can’t we just do and share our stories together, without applying right and wrong? Because trying to find the right way to live has only made me dizzy. All I want is to share my story, and to hear yours, and be thankful.

MOON IN LIBRA, MOON IN THE SEVENTH HOUSE

Most of all they need a mate. A best friend, business partner, or buddy will do. They spoil you with attention and are frighteningly dependant upon having someone to love. The men devastate women because they understand their own refined “feminine” feelings. In fact, they seem to relate better to women than men. The women always have their pick of men; they seem to be able to present themselves in a fluffy, fascinated package. They are smart; they are soft, and they listen, listen, listen. This reminds me of Tom Wolfe’s definition of what young ladies learn to do in finishing school: “Are you rilly an architect? Are you rilly a Senator?”

Oh, this gang picks up every subtle nuance of what you’re talking about. Their radar is made of feathers. It’s important to them to have a placid appearance, yet inside, a lot of the time, they feel hysterical. They feel as if their hearts are on springs. They not only react to you - they react to how you react.

These sweet people have only one vice: they make Minnie the Moocher look like a philanthropist. No other Moon sign matches this one’s excellence at wheedling goodies out of you and making you think it was all your idea. You feel like a king when you pick up the check. And the next one. And the next one. They are successful where Moon in Capricorn fails - using people cleverly. They owe you a couple grand? You’d feel like a monster for bringing the subject up. Deep down they’re secretly convinced that you should feel honored to have their company. Deeper down they’re depressed and frightened at how much they need you; dependency is the desperate racket they run to keep you under their thumbs. It’s called the Tyranny of the Weak, and if you’re close to a Libra Moon person, you have no doubt heard of it.

Selling something? Dress well, lots of jewelry, too. Mention the big shots you know, hint at parties, but in an off-the-cuff, low-key manner. These guys love celebrities. In other cases you can stress the benefits of what you’re selling to the rest of their families or associates. Libra Moons need to make other people happy. If you or your product is beautiful, it doesn’t hurt, either.

Don’t underrate this Moon sign when it comes to romance. They give you the best gift of all - themselves, wholeheartedly. They get stepped on for their kindnesses, so be kind and watch them blossom. They need compliments and flattery daily, but they give in return as well. They need compliments and flattery daily, but they give in return as well. They get to know you and tailor their praise to what they think you want to hear. They’re right. Keep a Virgo, Capricorn, or a Scorpio around as a secondary sounding board or these Moons will softly lull you with a stream of adoring yesses. Sounds awful, doesn’t it?

The line forms right here.

Curious what I’ve been watching all day? Enjoy J*DaVeY’s first treat from their debut LP, New Designer Drug: “Whatchalookin@?” and “Kill4FUN” . Oh how I love Miss Jack Davey and Brook D’Leau . Those two wonders amaze me . Only J*DaVeY can remedy my sabbatical with the internet . Enjoy . It’s the fucking zooooms .

Sitting in a little shoebox of heaven in St. Helena, with my 90lb chocolate labador companion, watching the vineyards and listening to the wind . Quitting my job and moving to the wine country has been my best decision yet . After my head almost spun off my shoulders from money woes, poor living conditions, and career clutter - my guru and dear friend, Sierra, felt my need through the ether and invited me to drop all my suffering and stay in her shoebox cottage in St. Helena . I’m taking care of children, falling in love with a chocolate lab named “Tank”, sharpening my supernatural abilities, and learning the terms of God-love and Free Will .

For a long time, my abilities made me feel more lonely than special . I didn’t notice that I felt that way, until I began to struggle with the Tribe . I had a deep need for them to understand, to force their third eyes open, and to paint my beliefs into their minds; not because it was necessary, but because I needed for others to approve of what I was feeling inside . I needed it desperately and I thought that would give me peace . But by imposing on all their choices, I was robbing them of their free will . And without free will, you can learn nothing of value . You throw mud on something pure when you rob people of their free will .

So Sierra is teaching me to switch roles . I am retiring as a “fixer” and becoming more of a wise witness . I am learning to watch with a twinkle in my eye, and not interfere or struggle with others . And since giving up my need to control and moving to St. Helena, I have been on many adventures . I’ve been playing in the “in-between” zone: the trance between asleep and awake . In these fleeting moments just before awakening, I can see more ghosts, experience more flashes of telepathy, and recieve unfiltered messages from my higher self . One night, after dreaming of the most romantic underwater kiss, I woke up in the in-between zone and saw Sierra astral-projecting - her spirit body sitting upright just above her body .

And just the other night, I woke up while I was still asleep . I’ve never felt trapped in my own body before, but I went to sleep, saw some pretty exciting dreams, popped back into my body - but couldn’t move or open my eyes . For moments, I was just twitching in bed, panicking, trying to open my eyes and look at the door . It did wear off overtime, but when it did, I felt especially drained .

Otherwise, I have been singing with rapture and dancing like a dervish . Laughing has been taking up all my time . Something about laughing until I cramp gives me so much peace . My novel is coming along very nicely, and I am so thankful for sweeping changes and friends that offer unconditional love . I thought that the country held my destiny, but it was only fourty miles away all along . (I truly believe that the fourth mile from St. Helena is the longest mile in the world . There must be a Time Pocket there somewhere .) I am yet again “going” without traveling, and it feels sooo good . Keep yer electric eyes on me, friends .

Lovers never lose .

Thresholds are defined as “any place or point of entering or beginning” . Some people see thresholds as the sill of a doorway . More magic-minded folk see thresholds as parts of nature: like where land meets ocean at the beach, or where level ground becomes a mountain . And those focused on consciousness see thresholds as a place in the mind . Dear friends, I am standing in a threshold at the moment . I have reached a stage in my “development” where life’s wonders and mysteries are leaving my soul weary of my day-to-day situation . I have a steady job taking care of people with handicaps and disabilities, as well as working for IHSS to care for my grandmother; but experiences of the supernatural kind, the occult kind, and other modes of expanded consciousness are being laid down before me like a trail of bread crumbs, and I had been spending a lot of time trying to decode where this road goes .

I had been struggling with inertia . I didn’t know where to put my energies in the city I live in - and I still don’t . To put my efforts towards any of the artistic or rehabilitative fields felt like straight-up exploitation . Going to school with my enlightened sense of being made me feel like a crook, being taught all the deceitful smiles and cunning wiles of capitalistic society - but I needed the money . And all I could think about was living on a farm, surrounded by my Tribe, growing small-scale raw foods, and reaping the rewards of soul-nourishing simplicity . And then, last night, I realized: all my efforts in this capitalist caffeine republic were to get me to that dream . To get me to that dream farm . To be able to wake up and go to sleep and say to myself, “No one is controlling me . I am free .” And my soul resonated .

The Wild has been calling me . And I think that’s where the next step in my journey to expand my consciousness has led me . I’m doing research on the Live Power farm and hippie communes in Humboldt Country near the ocean and redwoods . I just want to drop everything: all debts, desires, and illusions; and nourish my soul for a few years in the country . I truly feel like that is where I can attain my true potential, and return home with an answer for other souls who have become weary as I am . I want to offer my family and friends an outlet, just by existing . I want my existence to be a testimony that there is another way to live, and that they can drop their chains whenever they choose, and get reacquainted with themselves and Mother Earth . I’ve never been so sure about anything in my life . Keep me in yer thoughts .

Lovers never lose .

Having reached the Aquarian initiation, the evolving soul feels that it must return to life much of what it gathered along the way . And so begins a “second childhood” on the level of the Water Bearer, who pours out his knowledge, both determined and anxious to share it before he leaves this planet to explore the exciting realm of the unknown on the other side .

Aquarius feels the stirrings of the masculine positive Day Forces for the last time as a Fixed Organizer, in the final experience of the detached and unpredictable Air Element . A puzzle to friends and family, the Aquarius man or woman cavorts with the young at heart - peculiar, since wisdom and experience are in direct contrast with such liberal, eccentric behavior . There were so many mysteries missed in the past (lives) because there wasn’t time to investigate them . Now Aquarius must taste them all - must investigate every nuance of up and down, left and right, will and won’t . They delight in shocking those around them, suddenly aware of an inexplicable ability to peek into the future . Amazingly intuitive and bristling with unexpected flashes of telepathic images, the Aquarian soul examines people and ideas without sentiment, arriving at truth with no apparent logic or traceable effort .

On this level, the soul tends to flaunt law and authority because the spirit actually exists in the world of the future . Aquarius knows that the rigid rules of today’s society must sooner or later be compromised . Therefore he (or she) sees no sensible reason to respect what will surely evolve into something new and different tomorrow . If violent revolt is necessary to bring about tolerance, brotherhood and understanding, then Aquarius believes the results will be worth the conflict . However, although they advocate change for the world (and for their friends and family), the Water Bearers remain Fixed in their own personal opinions, private codes and life-styles, reflecting the contradictory nature of the ruling planet, Uranus .

The soul has now acquired a true humanitarian approach . To the unprejudiced Aquarian, every human being is a friend, whatever that person’s personal values may be, for the Water Bearer has learned that he (or she) is one with all mankind and womankind - and with Nature . Yet, personal relationships may be neglected, as these men and women pursue an idealism related to the benefit of society in general . Like the Aquarian Age it reflects, the soul at this stage envisions a golden and glorious future that may be attained only by blasting old customs and outdated ideas to clear the way for spiritual awareness, through the thunderbolt path of accelerated mass Karma . If more conservative people are offended by the Uranus behavior, the Aquarian laughs off their disapproval . Secure in an intuitive grasp of the future, Aquarians retort, “I KNOW” to all questions, then perversely refuse to explain how they know - except to children, who understand through their own innocence the innocent state of simplicity the soul returns to in the “second childhood” Uranus vibration .

To Aquarius, love is a detached and unselfish emotion, to be explored and enjoyed . The Water Bearer understands love’s scope and investigates all its dimensions, but scatters it carelessly, confusing it with friendship . Physical fulfillment leaves Aquarius emotionally empty and still wistful, failing to sense the mystery of Oneness with the mate - the final truth of love, which awaits discovery silently, in the shadows - the secret guarded by Neptune (ruler of Pisces), just beyond Uranus comprehension . …

Everything passes away . Everything transforms . Every trend, every prejudice, every suffering, every concept of “right”, the limits of human potential - it all passes away . Language is always changing . What we see as appropriate is always changing . So why get so attached to one opinion that you would hurt others for it? Turn yer eyes away from the stage and learn to follow the seasons . Learn to feel the procession of life . Why fight and divide… over sand? Over a breeze? Attachment is the root of all suffering . Even love transforms . It expands or it dies . Because love is free . Let the people be free . Let them be free and watch them shine .

I dance in my room alone with my favorite headphones on . I start on top of the bed and then make my way around the room, splashing the walls with magic, charming imaginary foes through the floor like quicksand . I make the leaves abandoned on the floor dance around me in circles . The clouds spin spiral and blur - and at that moment I feel like a force . When I dance in my room, I understand the power of solitude . I’m reminded that my thoughts are energy . I become the magician again . I control my dream, there is no illness, and there’s no reason to suffer . I charm yer love out of the basket . I control . You abide . And you cannot fail . Oh, dear love, you cannot fail . For even if yer love dies, it shapeshifts and comes back to me reborn . Welcome to my latest miracle .

I was trippin when I first heard this song . It felt like I was curling deep into myself, swimming, and seeing the Bleeding Vein for the first time: the vacancy in every soul after its been released from the universe’s umbilical . I was joyous, saddened, all-powerful, frightened, and enlightened all at once . This will always be my song . ♥

by Derek Walcott
 
The time will come
when, with elation,
you will greet yourself arriving
at your own door, in your own mirror,
and each will smile at the other’s welcome,
 
and say, sit here.  Eat.
You will love again the stranger who was your self.
Give wine.  Give bread.  Give back your heart
to itself, to the stranger who has loved you
 
all your life, whom you ignored
for another, who knows you by heart.
Take down the love letters from the bookshelf,
 
the photographs, the desperate notes,
peel your own image from the mirror.
Sit.  Feast on your life.

Human beings go through storms . We fight and wait and seek and struggle and finally when the stormclouds clear, you may find yourself a different person . You find yer heart moving in a different direction, as if yer inner compass has shifted . When the clouds part and we feel these very real changes, we fight this person . But the best you can do is love that person . Accept and expose that person to the world . Because the past is just another ball and chain, and we can’t neglect who we are, in order to be who we should be . Because that is what transcending is all about: dying over and over again to discover a new person underneath, a new piece of ourselves trying to be set free .